Addict

My best friend told me about these fantastic books she was reading.
A story about a regular girl and a vampire who fall in love.
"So lame," I thought.
"Why on earth would people read a love story about a vampire?"
She convinced me to watch the movie of the first book with her.
And then it happend.
I was intruiged.
This wasn't some lame 'killing-people-and-drinking-their-blood'-story.
This was something 'real'.
Something that I, in a weird way, could find myself in.

I started reading the books. In two weeks I read the first three books.
Today I bought the fourth, and last one.

The main caracter, Bella -the ordinary girl- reminds me of myself sometimes.
She always compares herself to other people, thinking she isn't pretty, smart or funny.
But more so, she thinks her 'boyfriend' isn't good enough for her.
When he left her (because he thought she would be better of without him), she so quickly believed him when he was telling her he didn't love her anymore. (This was a lie of course.)
That right there is me.
I did the same, damn thing. Thinking I wasn't good enough.
And in the end I'd proven myself that I was right. But where did that bring me?

I've become this Christina-like person.
Someone who is afraid to show her true feelings.
No, not afraid, she just doesn't want to.
Because sharing your feelings equals being vonurable.
And that's not me anymore. Not in public that is.

This might sound stupid, but reading this book, reading a bout this magic, weird but pure lovestory makes me cry sometimes. I'm letting it get to me.
I'm losing my protective shield.. my comfort blanket, my hiding wall.
Even more stupid, I'm scared to read the last book. I know a few things that are going to happen. Things I've once wanted. Things I don't believe in anymore.
I've gone so far in this black hole.. I'm scared to come out of it.. I'm talking about a book like it's my own life. Like that is something I want too.
What if everything comes back again? What if I let my heart be foolish again?




It's a good thing, this all is fiction.